By Patti Landes Adams
I grew up in Las Vegas, where huge, elaborate hotels are built to entertain their visitors. This is a gambling city, and gambling permeates every aspect of the industry. As hotels are designed, architects build into the blueprints, an element known as collateral damage. One hotel planned that at least two men would probably die during construction due to the dangerous nature of the design. Three men lost their lives in the construction of this particular hotel. They left families who grieve for them – for a hotel that entertains others. I doubt there is a plaque hanging in the lobby honoring these men.
Collateral damage exists in war, firefighting, and police service. The difference is that men die saving other people’s lives and preserving freedoms. There is honor in this kind of death. We seem to be able to deal with death when there is a purpose – when the person died doing something good, heroic, or defending a worthy cause. Still, families grieve at lives lost.
A different collateral damage faces parents in today’s society. Young people in and out of the Church are suffering spiritual death by the thousands. The temptations of society, the demands to grow up too quickly in a media sophisticated, drug filled world has claimed the spiritual, and too often physical lives of our precious children. We knew this was coming. It was prophesied in the scriptures – again and again. It is sad to read when it is someone else’s child; even more tragic when it is our own.
Years ago, when my two oldest children were in second grade and kindergarten, they were in public school – the same public school that I had attended. The program seemed great at first. My kindergartner even had a teacher that had been my favorite. But after a while I noticed they came home with an attitude. They were belligerent and a little disrespectful – not my sweet offspring. It took us until bedtime to get our children back. One day it dawned on me that we were going to reach a point when the evening hours would not be enough for us to reclaim their personalities. The attitude would become who they were – permanently.
Later, my kindergartner came home and told me he had learned at school where babies came from. I feel that is a sacred responsibility left for parents.
Soon after, we felt strongly prompted to take charge of our children’s education and have been doing so ever since. They have been taught at home, and have been educated in Latter-day Saint gospel based schools. What adventures we have had! I have experienced the joy of seeing my children learn things about the world for the first time. We studied the Holy Scriptures every day as they grew, and talked often about their divine missions. We struggled together and we enjoyed victories together. My children shed the attitude. We didn’t see it emerge again until about age fifteen. It only stayed for about six months, and was replaced by kind, respectful young adults with whom we love to spend time.
I have had people over the years ask me about our choices in education. They always go back to the argument that children need the socialization that public schools can provide. I respond with “Although I was raised in a gambling town, I am not a gambling person. I don’t gamble with that which I am not willing to lose. I don’t like collateral damage.”
Yes, I understand that coming to Earth was a risk. I know that Satan’s plan was a sure way without freedom and the Father’s way included risk – even collateral damage – that some would choose not to return. But I believe in improving the odds and I believe that He does, too. He sent His Son to show us the way and improve our chances of returning, knowing His Son would be mocked, scourged and brutally murdered. He sent prophets and apostles whom he knew would also be mocked and killed. He sacrificed much to help give me and my family every chance to get back. I owe my own precious children, my divine stewardship, nothing less.
Another argument I get from others is “Public schools need our children to be good examples, to be missionaries.” The Church calls missionaries at age eighteen; nineteen for women. The Church feels that a person is mature enough at this age to represent the Church in a dignified manner, and is grounded in his or her own testimony to withstand the spiritual attacks. If my seventh grader is sent to school to be an example and proselyte, there will undoubtedly be others proselyting to him. Unfortunately, some are teachers sharing their beliefs as fact, steering my child to explore ideas that conflict with gospel truths. Others may be good Christian kids who are sharing different religious beliefs than we hold. Most likely many are non-Christians who are sharing contrary moral beliefs, and making them sound very exciting to my precious son. He is human. He can choose the things that are presented to him as fun, cool, and “in”, no matter how often we hold Family Home Evening or read our scriptures as a family. He has a greater chance of becoming collateral damage of the system. His opportunity to be a missionary in such an environment before he is spiritually ready is simply not worth it to me.
Still another argument is “I cannot teach my own children. I am not a teacher.” We teach our children every day. We teach them to walk, to talk, to tie their shoes. We teach them what we believe by what we say and by what we don’t say. Are parents not, in most cases, the best teachers to their own children. Parents have two things going for them that educational institutions cannot touch – an intimate knowledge of a child’s strengths and weaknesses, with a vested interest in the child’s well-being; and the inspiration of the Holy Ghost through prayer to know what an individual child needs.
The biggest concern I believe parents have is that they do not have the academic skills to help their children to be competitive in today’s world. This is a valid concern. Educating your own children can be intimidating. Years ago when we began educating at home, we were questioned, talked about, and thought to be fringe extremists. Any materials we had were scrounged textbooks from Deseret Industries and whatever else we could find. Today, more and more, home educators are being seen by others as spiritual heroes possessing the courage to go the extra mile for their children. Gospel based curriculum programs are coming on the market every day: ranging from outlines and guides which allow for freedom and flexibility, to complete, well-rounded, parent-friendly curriculums based on gospel principles, while providing full academic stimulation. There are plenty of good options.
Home education does require the extra mile. Mothers may need to abandon a fulfilling career, recreational vehicles and designer clothing may have to wait, and families may even need to consider a home cottage business to fill the financial gap of mother’s lost income, but it can be done, and is being done by thousands of families all over the world.
I do not want to say that all children who attend public school will make poor choices. Parent involvement in community schools has a positive impact. Gospel teaching in the home is vital. Most administrators and teachers in public education work hard to provide the best environment they can. Billions of dollars are spent annually to fix the situation, but will it be enough – quickly enough to save our children. I believe that no amount of money can ever recapture the innocence we once had.
It is a great blessing to be able to prayerfully choose what is best for our own children. Each family must personally decide what risks they are willing to take with their children’s physical and spiritual safety. We want them to grow in faith and wisdom so that when we are not looking, they will choose what is right and good, and what will bring them the most happiness. How tragic it is when they choose otherwise. It breaks our hearts. Although we must allow their right to choose, we can and should do all we can to minimize their chances of becoming collateral damage.
